An Artists Mind is Incomprehensible, and Sometimes Depressed

This was a draft from December that I never posted… in my commitment to post more consistently, and not self-censure, I’ve decided to throw it out there to the world…

 

Dec 2015:  There really is this inner turmoil – fueled by over-thinking, in my case – that creates a complete cessation of – well, everything. Breathing, and eating, with minimal amounts of awakedness still exist, filled with over-saturation of mind-numbing, time sucking events, such as video-gaming, and movie watching technically resemble life, but definitely not defining living.

Still, these existential dilemmas don’t quite bring the motivation to get up and get anything done.

This post suggests the beginning of a revitalization, but really as a more subversive way to bypass actual work; actual progress. Every step is an action with the potential to create something kinetic, yes?

I’ve still haven’t been writing. I’ve put notes down; the first time I’ve ever worked with notes before beginning a project. That could mean something good, or something akin to procrastination…

I finished editing a wedding video I was involved in filming, freeing up some time to play around with some more creative editing with some footage we have of a television idea we were brought in on. Learning a craft by jumping in head first is a valid way of schooling in my world. Sending feelers out into search engines brings back a chaotic library of dogma I can’t help but wonder has any validity except in the moment, or in the group, of that subjective instance it was posted. The world of art, in every form, has as wide a point-of-view. How then, can craftsmen, and critics, proclaim that only X is correct? That X is the only way a thing is done.

So I went on a film documentary watching binge, and learned more in a few hours of Netflixing than I did in an evening of web browsing and film school syllabus perusing. I really do have great contempt for dogmatic education. So many things are intuitive, that can’t be taught, that shouldn’t be made to be second-guessed. Coming from personal experience, I know the traps that are too easily fallen into when we think we need to “learn” a thing, when simply doing a thing would have been much more beneficial, and have had grossly better educational values. Learning becomes it’s own procrastination. Learning creates questions of confidence, questions of direction, questions of our questions. Maybe getting out there and doing it will show us if it can be done. At least it will show us how it shouldn’t be done, which whittles the questions done so there is more focus of our ultimate goal.

Done here is the key word. Implying action. Implying not sitting around all day in vague wakefullness.

Let’s get some things done.